How would you handle this?

I sat with a college coach last night and we were discussing a certain player. I mentioned to him that I knew this kid and he could always hit. What he said next confirmed to me everything I have ever heard about "makeup", "character" and what a college coach looks for. He said, "Yeah, we liked his bat, but we didn't offer him because he hung around a kid we knew to be a 'bad apple.'"

There it was... a statement that was blunt and to the point. It had nothing to do with the kid's talent, but his actions away from the field. Whether one believes the coach was right or wrong in his decision, he felt they are making an investment and he didn't want to risk their money or his job on somebody they believed created a higher risk.

So here's my question to you. You know a kid that has college level talent, but his character is sketchy: Throws helmets and gloves in the dugout, is high strung and doesn't always hustle. The kid is not getting any attention from the scouts even though he gets the opportunity to showcase his skills.
You are friends with the family and know the kid. The parents have shared their frustration with the no contact with you, but have not asked you for your opinion. The family, being friends with you, would you initiate your opinion of why he is not being contacted or would you just leave it alone, since you were not asked? This is what I feel is the dilemma: Is it worth it to risk the friendship? Or are you being the better friend by being honest of what the reason is? (remember, the family is venting about the situation, but they haven't asked you for your opinion)

What would you do?

 

Depends....

If there is enough time to make a difference in his recruiting, I'd probably say something to the kid. If not, and he's already missed "most" of his prime opportunities to be seen, I'd probably let it go.

To me, it depends on the timing. If it's early on in the recruiting process, you might can turn it around for the boy.

 

I would talk with them about it. Since it would be somewhat sensitive, the conversation could be started with a question back to them as they vent. "in your honest opinion, why is it that you feel he is not getting contacted?" If they don't mention character then they have no idea that behavior and character are part of the equation.

Here's the deal, and most of you know this way better than me, but there is so much talent out there that it is easier to look for a reason to cross you off the list than a reason to circle your name (I certainly had that with my son). If you are not willing to think about and change the reason that you are being crossed off then there is no one to blame.

that being said, they may not have any idea as to the real reasons because they are too close to it. I would speak in generalities about all of the reasons we have heard that kids don't get called----character issues, friends, seen blowing their parents off after a game to be with girl friend, doesn't look good in the uniform, throws helmet etc. Ask them to look for all the potential reasons outside his playing ability that he may not be getting the attention. I think you can guide the families outlook and thinking without coming straight out and saying what the real issue is.

Those who know me are shaking their heads right now as I am usually much more direct and blunt. So the approach comes down to style and the families willingness to accept the input. However, if they are venting on an issue I believe that is one of two things 1) solicitation of a support group or someone to side with them--You're right Johnny should be getting called. Or 2) an indirect way of asking for your opinion.

If you don't discuss it with them it just opens the door for more venting.

 

When the timing is right (very important in this case), I would ease into the subject area and look for an opening. The most skilled would steer a conversation in a way that they would actually ask you the question that would throw the door wide open. If that doesn't happen then I would look them in the eyes and refer to your longstanding friendship and say something like, "It's because of that friendship I want to share a comment that was made to me by a college recruiter a few weeks ago about Johnny....Knowing how much your family has put into Johnny's baseball over the years, I thought you would want to know that recruiters are looking the other way because they are concerned that some of his friendships may ultimately detract from his ability or desire to play at a high level. That concern has caused them to sour on the idea of investing in Johnny."

By now the door is wide open and you can refer to your numerous conversations with coaches and recruiters and give them the advice they need form a knowledgable source.

By ignoring it, you would be defrauding the friendship....assuming it is a very strong friendship.

 

Braves, if you care enough about the boy, I would probably just say something to him directly, especially if he knows you well enough that you thought he might actually listen.

You have to keep in mind when talking with parents,,,,, that many times the problem is actually the parents themselves. Remember ever since that kid played his very first T-ball game, it was HIS OWN PARENTS who have seen every helmet get thrown, ever bat tossed, heard ever cuss word,,, and yet some parents just don't see no wrong in their own children. Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe they see it but they just don't know what to do about it.

 

Great responses guys! I realize there are situations not mentioned that might govern your responses, but I wanted to leave that out for you to bring up.

This is really terrific posts...keep them coming!

 

If I was Jo Schmo the plumber I would not say a thing. If I was Braves the connected baseball guy I would definitely say something. The friends would know you know what you are talking about and cared about their son's situation.

 

So friends don't always think one cares about their kid's situation?

 

talk to the kid

I agree with tj... this kid is old enough to hear it straight. At this point, it's his future that is being affected by his attitude. Moms and Dads see their sons as "their little boys" and that can blind them to what their sons are really like.

I wouldn't have a problem getting him alone and telling this kid to grow the "f" up! I would tell him what a horses ass he is perceived to be by others and that if he wants any chance to succeed in life, much less baseball, he better get his sh!t straight right now or get it through his thick head that life is going to be kicking his butt for a long, long time.

He may hate you for it. His parents may be hurt by it. But... if in the long run this helps this boy become a better man, then they will all appreciate what you did down the road.

 

jmho

the kid probably will not change anytime soon for his habit(s) he has gotten into came into being long before....YET one day, someday, he WILL grow up and then learn wrong from right, and how to, or the right way so to speak. So therefore it is a lesson only HE needs to learn from. Parents who know their kkids should not be as clueless or naive as to NOT know what ills their children are in or involved in and if so way too sad. We all know this is the case many many a time tho, huh?