Burnout

Ed, it was nice seeing you the other night at the field, it's been awhile. I have no doubt I pushed Red way too hard and possibly lead to her getting burnt out. I started noticing after her 11th grade year that she was probably not going to play after High School. There were schools interested in her but, as my daughter said "She had her time and it was time for her to move on to the next part of her life." If I could give any advice to any father, I would say, listen to your daughter when she says I need to slow down and maybe take a summer or fall off, don't over react as I did the last two years of her playing days. It has been about a year and a half since she has last played her high school game, when Greg called and ask if I would help him coach a rec. team in Gastonia, Ed you know I jumped at the chance. I then asked Red if I could be selfish in asking her to play a few games. This has definatly brought back some good memories. So please ask your daughter what she wants to do, it may not be what you want to hear, but it may end up being the best thing for her. In my case it turned out to be Red doing great at UNCC in her academics on her way to becoming a Nurse. One more thing, Red knew it was hard on me giving up softball, but she said "dad, I know I can play at the next level and so do you and thats good enough for me, and I hope it can be good enough for you as well, because if you don't want to put the work in anymore your not doing any coach you play for justice. Again, good seeing ya and some of the old friends from travel ball.

R. Cogdill

 

After reading a good deal of the posts here, it has occured to me that the reason the girls are getting burnt out is because of us (the parent). We are the ones who push, push, and push them to excel. I guess we want our DD's to be the best and don't realize they have other needs. We seem to think that the Holy Grail is the scholarship at the college level.

 

My daughter starting playing at 8u. She loved it and still does. After playing in some difficult situations at 11u, she ask for a break. We gave it to her and she played flag football. She was the only girl and had fun. She now plays up and has done very well this year. She is at the beach this weekend with some friends who don't know how to hold a bat. She is just being a kid.

She has dreams, and we have them for her, but here dreams will be the most important. Frustration of teams that the coachs kid is the most important things has caused the most issues over the years. We now expect it. WE look for places that she gets very good instruction as well as opportunites. There are no perfect spots. Keep things in perspective, and keep it fun. Then hopefully God has a plan for her. I hope it involves some more time with softball. If it doesn't that will be an adjustment,but we will be ok.

 

This was one of the most poignant posts I have ever read, on this board or any other. I certainly lack the views of burnout that many on this board have since I don't have a daughter and cannot attest to the burnout factor. I can only look at what I see on the field with my players, but I don't get to see how they are when they go home at night.

I think as the past few years have gone on, I have tried harder to give full weekends off to let the "players" be "teenagers" again. Sometimes though that just isn't enough. The facts of playing high level softball that will ultimately take you on to play in college is that you have to play - and play a lot, and showcase your talents, and attend the very best tournaments.

That being said, it was absolutely amazing to read Mr. Cogdill's post in the fact that his daughter was completely at peace with "retiring from the travel ball circuit" because she just didn't want to put in the tremendous amount of time it took. I wish that many of the players involved in this great game would take that same approach. I completely respect someone that makes that decision. It's your life, and you should live it how you want, not just playing softball because someone else wants you to.

 

a bit of a rabbit trail...

I used to have this conversation with a friend of mine Brian Wagoner and it occurred to me this morning that it would be pertinent to ask it as part of this thread...

Has anyone run across a FP player who went the distance.. played 4 years of college ball at any level and said afterwards: I wish I had not played; that was a waist of my time; I wish I had done other things in HS or college; if I had to do it over again I wouldn't have played???

The sport is just now getting to the point where the first girls who went the distance are reaching their 30's... a point in their life IMO where they can reflect with a degree of wisdom on their experience.

Brian and I used to joke, and this was from the male perspective, that we had never met a guy who had regrets at staying with it. In fact, we took it to the level of saying we hadn't met anyone who said: "you know the BEST thing I ever did was give up (you name the sport) when I was a junior in HS". I have told my daughter who stopped playing TB two years ago that she would regret her decision. As adults, in the grind of life, we know how all to rare it is to really be considered "good" at anything you do.

It is perhaps different with females but all us Dads know a lot of us tried to recoup past athletic glory by playing softball or perhaps on the golf course... a sort of woulda, coulda, shoulda.

 

GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN!

This particuliar topic has tweaked might interest-I posted a thread several months back that shares the same views-please feel free to check it out!

http://www.thisboardrocks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=160692

Thanks,
HIT-N-RUN

http://carolinahitnrun.googlepages.com/

 

What should probably be surprising is the number that do not burnout. Weekend after weekend of games, week after week of practice, lots of travel with little, if any, sightseeing. That leaves very little time for most other types of entertainment.

When my daughter told me she wasn't going to play in college that wasn't even an issue for me. Unbeknown to me she thought for a couple of years that she had disappointed me. She finally brought it up kind of apologetically her second year in school. I assured her I wasn't disappointed. She has just received her Doctorate of Physical Therapy and her license to practice. To me that far surpasses anything I might have missed in her playing ball. And I never skipped a month coaching. I've been very fortunate to be associated with many good coaches; and far many more great kids than coaches.

With most kids it might not be the correct terminology to call it burnout; most times I think it is a logical decision to do something else.

When I think of all the really good players I've been around, I know that even outside of softball they're still great kids! I sometimes wonder if they know how wonderful they are even if they weren't the stars they are now. Or if the parent knows that--truly knows that!

 

Hmm....

Couple of things I am dealing with now.

Its not softball (tennis), but certainly applies. As some of you know, I have an eight year old (just turned 8 first of June) and she has been playing USTA 10 and under events since she was 7 1/2.

I have told her upfront when her workouts are (only 2x week in Charlotte, Tuesday night and Saturday am) and tell her in advance when she is going to play tournaments (1 per month). We don't go out to the high school and hit, she gets tired of it, so I let her hit with her coaches only. It keeps me from being the bad guy.

But she knows she is expected to do some push ups, weighted medicine ball, or swinging a weighted racquet every day. It takes her 10-15 min and she can do it watching tv.

If I forced her to hit every day, lessons 5-6x week, tourneys every weekend, I would lose her by the time she was 11 or 12. Maybe sooner

So, you manage your parent ego, don't say those little cutting remarks ("you just don't want it enough", "your not comitted", etc) and lastly, parents, do yourself a huge favor, STOP SAYING "WE" WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOUR KID A QUESTION. "WE PLAYED REALLY WELL LAST TOURNEY", WE HAVE BEEN WORKING HARD", "WE MIGHT JUST QUIT THE TEAM", "WE MIGHT BE DONE", WE WE WE.....Last time I checked, I am not eligible to play, give her the credit and stop answering questions for them. Make them accountable for the work and they will respond in a positive way.

Marci,
Thank you for correcting me all those years ago. Love and miss you for sure.
:0)