Burnout

posting this for the dads and moms

It honestly pains me to see parents second guessing their journey... is this just another modern day transference of responsibility? We all know someone or multiple someones who have experienced the "burn out" syndrome. It happened to one of my friends, a mentor I will even call him, and we have a close enough relationship that he has confided in me that what tears him up the most is that he knows people say: "well he ruined her". The pain he expresses when describing this is palpable.

Listen please.. read carefully: mental toughness, heart, love of the game whatever you want to call it is just as important a component in the equation as how FAST you run, how HARD you throw or how FAR you hit the ball! You don't see this category on the evaulation sheet at a combine tryout but IMO its perhaps the most important talent a kid brings to the table. I will take 9 junk yard dogs and beat you every time!

I sincerely hope those of you who say you have a peace about what happened in your particular situation do not loose any sleep second guessing yourselves; maybe wondering was it what I said on the way home from the 14U state championship in 2003 that made her loose her interest in the sport? Every one of us knew kids who had talent who did NOT get the support to have a chance at playing college ball. Are we talking about TOO MUCH support????

In the end its the child herself who must get the job done.. whether she has no support at home or parents who "push" too hard. She must adapt and overcome the reality of her individual situation.

If this were not true and burn out is all about "overbearing" parents who "pushed" too hard Tiger Woods would be living in a cardboard box underneath an overpass in Cali somewhere...

Let's not affix or transfer responsibility in this process anywhere other than firmly on the shoulders of where it belongs.. even if they are just teenagers.

 

Something else to think about

Most of us (parents) grew up admiring athletes who didn't come from the privilege that our children experience. For many of our heroes sport was a way out of something; my heroes growing up were Johnny Unitas and Roberto Clemente. Sport, for them, was a path to a better life. That promise still holds true today for lots of would-be athletes around the world but, honestly, it's almost no factor for softball players. My DD knew she was going to college, softball or not. I suspect 95% of softball players are in the same situation. Our kids perceive themselves as having lots of options (although the pessimist in me fears that this may not really be the case in a globalized economy). Tennis was mentioned above. Why all the Russian 'ova's' in women's professional tennis . . . it's opportunity, a way out of a drab, oppressive country.

I suspect what some on this board see as burnout is not that at all but really just lack of motivation. Why spend almost every summer weekend on hot, dirty ball fields when you hang out with your friends at the beach and still end up at Wingate, Chapel Hill or ECU? If an American girl does not derive a significant amount of self-satisfaction from the whatever activity she is participating in she's not likely to persist since quitting will likely have little if any negative impact on her perception of her future success.

 

Some other things that contribute to burnout are games that are allowed to end in ties, games with time limits (especially dropdead time limits), tournaments that end with no winner.

tournament:
a meeting for competition between teams.

compete:
to strive to outdo another for acknowledgment, a prize, supremacy, etc.

The biggest change I've seen over the years is the downgrading of true competition.

In earlier years when you went to a tournament there were clear winners (even though at times the losing team may have disagreed). Nowadays you can play game after game all week sometimes and in the end you have no idea who was the best. It only follows that you may question why.

This is a major cause of burnout. The satisfaction of winning is diluted when there is no winner. Everyone can't be a winner in the context I'm describing. Everyone wants to be winner and when they put in all the effort that they do to be a winner and that hardly ever materializes it can easily make a player wonder "what for?". And believing it's because you might want to play in college someday is sometimes like prolonging what isn't as much fun as it should be at this stage. In other words, they might question whether it will be any better at the college level.

I know we want the college coaches to see the players. But I also know the college folks don't care whether the teams win or lose or who takes home the trophy. We have forgotten the player; we have forgotten that they want to compete. Or worse, we don't care about them wanting to compete; we just want them to display what they have learned.

Bottom line is we need to get back to competing. Showcases are fine but there are not enough true tournaments. Damn a dropdead time limit; damn a tie game! And shame on a tournament with no clear winner!

 

You hit the nail on the head with that post about NOT having to play. Most if not all our DD's do have options. I've seen that in HS ball too. A DD starts looking at what she's going to be doing in college academically her Junior/Senior year of HS, and all of a sudden maybe the sport she was playing seems insignificant so she decides to work and save money. Or she decides on another activity more geared to where she is going academically, especially if the team is not playing well or going through a transitional period, injuries, or some other unknown factor. And with TB you get the teams who frown upon a player dedicated to being the best ball player she can be through 18U, but may not have the desire to play NCAA type ball. She is discouraged by the political dynaimcs of softball in general where whether you make a team is not always judged by skills alone. I think sometimes it's made easy for a girl to just pack it up. It's really too bad because I've seen some great ball players do just that....pack it up. They just got sick of the BS and didn't need it to get to where they are going, but the biggest thing was it wasn't fun anymore. Burnout, lack of motivation, or just coming to their senses?