Throwing at PARENTS

Communication is the key

I’ve coached competitive rec and travel teams. I played 4A high school and American Legion baseball. I have been a teacher at the community college level, and I have 18 years experience as a manager with a staff of ten professionals.

As far as parents talking to coaches, each situation is different I suppose. Whether it’s playing time or not, a high school coach should never be afraid to talk to a parent. To me that is part of their job. This is not "pretend" college or pro...this is high school. The parent should not have to fear that their son will be punished somehow if the parent does talk to the coach. I realize you should promote the player stepping up for himself as much as possible…that is an important lesson for these kids to learn. However, some high school kids are just not going to do that. Doesn’t mean they are not good people or good ball players.

The coach is not obligated to do anything about what the parent says and the parent should be aware of that...unless there is some safety issue. To me, it is just common courtesy that the coach would listen to the parent…as long as the parent was not being abusive. You are entrusted with running a baseball program that wins, develops baseball players, develops young men, and represents the school in a fine manner. You are fortunate to have the jobs you have. I would love to be a high school baseball coach. Certainly, you should establish rules on when and how you would like to receive communications from the parent.

The lines of communication should always be open. I am aware of several situations at different high schools in the area where coaches should have been communicated with, but the parents or players were afraid to do so because of the “parents can’t talk to the coach” rules.
As a manager in real life, I have to listen to employees all the time whether I want to or not. I have to deal with it responsibly and not take it out on the employee if they say something I don't agree with.

As a coach at the high school level, I think you can head off a lot of problems if you keep your parents informed as a group, meet individually with all your players at different times during the year and the season. Speak to the individual players before, during, and after practice…call them in for a lunch meeting…find out what is going on with them. Those players will be much more responsive…especially the non-starters that maybe are becoming disengaged or "in the deep freeze" as far as playing time goes. What plans do you have for them? What can they do to get better? YOU the coach should initiate that conversation…don’t wait for the player to do it. You’re the adult. You should have some long-term plans for each player on your team. Keep your players up to date on what your expectations are for each of them on an individual basis.

Coaches need feedback too. Winning and losing is not the only thing that matters as far as feedback goes. You should always be self-evaluating to see where you can make improvements in your coaching...game coaching...player development...how you run practices...overall program progress...the overall experience you have in place for your players.

 

Very good points greying. I hope you plan on posting more in the future. This board can always use intelligent members.

 

Very interesting thoughts here and some really good points and questions raised from both sides...

The key to all of this is effective communication. I am sure all of us have at some point in our lives not communicated something important as effectively as we should have. Unfortunately, when this occurs, problems begin. Thtas why it is important to be up front and honest as possible.

 

I agree Coach. I believe most coaches have an open door policy in discussing anything with a parent, except playing time. But many programs have that one parent that uses poor judgment in dealing with their son's role. They are constantly complaining to anyone that will listen. Many times they force their son to adopt his attitude about the situation and and it creates chemistry problems.

This is the parent that Who's on First is concerned about and the purpose for his question. Many times a parent and a coach are coming from different areas. Many parents are wanting what's best for their son, while a coach is wanting what's best for his team. When those differences don't match is when there are problems. But the bottom line is a coach should ALWAYS make decisions based on what's best for the team.

 

More specifically on PT

The stress point for the public school baseball program is that the player/parent and coach are pretty much locked into each other. The player/parent can’t really shop around or many can’t afford private school or afford selling their home and relocating. For the most part, once that player is at that public school, that is it. There are only 9 spots on the field and baseball is not an easy game to handle in and out substitutions. Like someone said…hopefully there are other non-school opportunities for the player.

Do the players/parents understand your philosophy of selecting your starters and playing time? Some of you might say that is none of the parents business. I would say at least in general terms it is their business. You don’t owe anyone specifics on why you handle some game situation or lineup situation the way you did. Still it hurts nothing for you to listen to a player or to listen to a parent. You might get a little irritated…but that just comes with the territory. Let it roll off your back.

Do upper classmen get the benefit of the doubt on playing time decisions…everything else being equal?
Do you set your up-the-middle positions in stone? Catcher, middle infield, center field? Never, ever changes, no matter what.
Do you get non-starters into games when the games are out of hand, or for non-conference games?
Do you work in intra-squad scrimmages during practice when your weeks are not overloaded with real games?
Do you DH, pinch-run, pinch hit some non-starters?

The best thing for the baseball program can mean a lot of things, and may not mean treating everyone the same way. I was watching an ESPN program when John Wooden was having one of his birthdays. Wooden was being interviewed and was surrounded by several former players. The interviewer asked him what the key to his success was and about how he coached the players. Wooden said he treated each player “differently” according to what he needed to do to get the most out of that player, in order to help the team be successful.

Some coaches seem to settle on their starters and that’s it. UNC football QB situation last year is an example. Yates the starter last year…Renner barely played. Seems like a pro mentality to me. In college…with an injury...you can’t go somewhere to buy or trade for a new QB. Of course colleges recruit for their needs, but they also must develop players.

So in high school sports where you can’t recruit…settling on a starter with no changes except for injury, even when games are out of hand or non-conference…seems to go against the need for the betterment of the baseball program to develop players for the future, or in case of injury. I say this assuming that there are some non-starters that are good ball players, but just did not win the competition to be the starter. I realize you may have some players that just deserve a chance to be on the team…that really are not very talented, but have worked hard and have a good attitude. Those players need to be made aware very directly by the coach that that is their situation.


Seems to me…if you truly have in mind what’s best for the baseball program…you should have a long-term perspective in mind. If you have that long-term perspective in mind and work hard to develop and engage all of your players…JV and varsity…the wins will be there…the success will be there. You will have players and parents wanting to be a part of your program whether they play or not, or whether they start or not.

Think about the best coaches you’ve had…not just in their number of wins…but in the respect they have from former players and their community.

 

We sometimes have the problem at our school that the guy not getting the playing time is a good player but the guy in front of him is simply an outstanding player so the playing time is tough to get. It is frustrating but not the fault of the coach just the fact that he has to play the players that give him the best chance to win. It is , after all about winning the game and not about getting exposure, that is what showcase is all about.

 

Guys, I just don't buy it.
No HS coach in his wrong mind would sit a kid with skills that can help him win. Sorry, there is no grudge that deep. OK, how would it even get started? Did the dad/mom do something before the skilled kid came into the program? Cut the coach off at a light - or play in front of him 25 years ago in HS? Was the kid playing at one point, then something happened and he was since set down for grudge? Help me out guys.

No way a coach sits a player that can play... oh, unless there are better players on the field and/or the team is winning with said "skilled" player on the bench.

As I referenced a few weeks ago, look at higher levels. College and pro benches are lined with skilled players - who sit and watch every day. High school benches are filled with LL All-Stars, but not all can play.


As Ricky used to tell Lucy , "splain it to me!"

 

Sure a grudge happens or why would a coach tell a player, "You better not play for that team this summer....."

However, I think in some cases it's because the coach is a poor evaluator of talent. Although there are many excellent HS coaches throughout this state, catcoach, not everyone that coaches HS has your background. You may be surprised how ineffective some of them are. When you have the time, I'll give you a tour.....

 

Guys here is what I have done.

Prior to the season the player and I spoke and I informed him that he was probably only going to be a pitcher this season, so he understood his role to the team.

On Friday afternoon, I spoke to the player about the situation. As we talked it became evident to me that the father is very controlling and not the least bit understanding of what is going on. The player said he has tried to talk with his dad and he just gets upset and doesn't want to hear what the son has to say.

We discussed his stats and he said to me that he understands why he isn't playing as a two-way player and is only pitching. I explained to him that every player on the team wants to be a starter and he said he understands that guys that perform are the ones that get to play.

Its not like I have only used this kid as a pitcher. The kid that is the current starter at the position had some discipline issues and did not play for several games. It was during this time that the son played the spot and when the other kid had completed his "punishment" for his discipline issues, he won the spot back because he produced results.

Last thing I asked was if he is happy at the current school, he said yes, very happy. He said that his dad told him he didn't have any say-so in the matter of transferring.

So after this conversation with the player, I decided that this dad is what another posted called a helicopter dad and I took a deep breath and remembered what the Sargeant said, "drive on private".

As far as my relationship with the father, it was great until the other kid won the starting spot back. Spoke everyday, held conversation, so on. I really think he was kissing up and now sees that it's not working with me so to make him feel better, he's trashing me. Oh well, guess it comes with the territory.

 

...there ya go! You are learning quickly, my friend! Wouldn't it be great that all you had to concern yourself with is teaching the game, developing players and win games. Of course, the relationships that are built with your players is the most gratifying.

The good news is Coach Clewis has plenty of time on his hands. Hire him!!!!