Throwing at PARENTS

First, I have a few that would question my "background" - or anything else about me. But they are mirror images of what W'sOn1st is dealing with.

Bottom line, as long as Johnny plays, you will be a great coach and man. Well, at least to Johnny's parents. Not so much to Petey's mom and dad. But when Johnny sits, you will suddenly become an idiot and lacking in character. Hey, it's where we are in our modern youth athletics culture.

At the end of the day, keep the focus on Johnny and Petey. Be fair and honest with them. Do the best you can. It won't always be easy. You probably will not be able to disregard the dad - he'll make sure of that. Coach his kid. Say "hey" to dad when you can. Pray for him. (It will heap coals on his head!) If the kid transfers, wish him the best and shake his hand with a smile when you play. If he goes on to play in college, invite him back to work your baseball camp.

Sorry you are dealing with this W'sOn1st. I am really sorry. Here's one way I get through it at times: How many guys get to wear a baseball uniform 2-3 days a week - and even get paid a little for it? (Ok, disregard the pay part.)

Stay at it. Dads kinda graduate too!

 

exactly!!

This behavior is directly correlated to the "participatory trophy" culture that has been ingrained over the last 25 years to ensure that Johnny feels good all the time. Really, it is more about mommy and daddy feeling good because the kid can deal with the difference between winning and losing. Mommy and daddy in these cases rarely played sports at a high level and have a need to be able to brag on little johnny at work.

Look, I get it, I have 4 athletes that I watch go through struggles including not playing and it sucks, I hurt for them. But what am I teaching them about becoming adults and dealing with adversity if I consistently try to "fix" their situation. Hell, they may not even think it needs fixing. This entitlement generation didn't create itself--the parents put them in it.

Really, what are they going to do when little Johnny doesn't get a promotion, a job or gets fired, call the boss?

 

Rules

Rule 1: Life is not fair -- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping -- they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.



Paraphrased and reprinted (thought to be from a Bill Gates graduation address, but actually attributed to Charles Sykes' OpEd piece in San Diego Times 1995)

 

Believe it is IS happening.

 

Maybe....part of the problem is you got too familiar with this Dad in the first place, and maybe he got the idea that he is part of the decision-making process, instead of the butt-kissing, ego-maniacal, pain-in-the-ass control freak that he is....just my 2 cents worth. I've seen Daddies like this, and
mommas, and grand-parents, and nothing above casual conversation ever amounts to any good for the coach, or the player---and what it does to other parents who follow "the rules"......

 

I have always liked what my son's HS Coach said... He retired from coaching the baseball team (30+ years... I think he was delivered with the bricks when they built the school) after my son's junior year. He does continue to coach cross country and a big reason for this is... "Nobody can complain about playing time in cross country."

I have given this advice to players parents when their little all star reaches high school... sit down, shut up, cheer for the team, not just your kid. Let your boy grow up some and handle his own situations. If this isn't possible, then leave, with or without your kid. There are always others that want his spot.

HS ball is just a blip in time. Enjoy it now because it will be over quicker than you can imagine. I'm realizing that now about college ball!

 

Enable a player, disable a parent

Coach, are you about development, or about telling a kid what he can't do? (which is all too common).

I know a two-way player who was told "he's NOT a pitcher" by one showcase coach and "you'll ONLY be a pitcher" by another. He kept working to go from good to great. Found a team that allowed him to hit and pitch, and got an offer, won some awards, and now, everybody is happy for him. Scouts watch him. And he's not at a 4A school.

1. Tell kid what he can do if he works hard and smart. (10k hours).
2. Allow him to prove or disprove him abilities this season (practice or non-conference).
3. Tell the parent, "leave my assistants alone, kid talks to coach, or kid/coach/parent conference."
4. Talk to the kid informally. "The kid doesn't look unhappy". Most kids won't speak up for themselves. Chances are the kid talked to dad. dad told kid to talk to coach. kid didn't. then dad talked to assistant coach. Show kid and parent how grownups should talk.
5. Question: HS coaching job is separate from showcase coaching job. Right? So, kids should be able to play for the best fit, best value, best development, best exposure, without parents having to "blow smoke". Or coaches retaliating.

 

I don't know if this fits in the parents vs. coach debate, but I do like the coach that changes his line-up according to the results he's seeing (or not seeing in some cases). Player comes off the bench & is hitting, he should keep hitting. Player in the lineup not hitting maybe should sit some. We've all seen coaches who are blind to what some players are doing. Player isn't hitting, maybe never has, but still continues to start & play. We had a player at my son's former high school who led off as a freshman, and was a great hitter as a freshman. Sophomore season, led off. Junior season, led off. Trouble was, the boys batting average kept going down & down & down after his freshman year. By the end of his junior year, he was the worse hitter in the lineup, but was still leading off. Coach was set in his ways. Didn't want to change. I think the leadoff guy needs to have a high on-base percentage myself. If he's striking out all the time, never walking, never getting hit by pitch, and is batting .200, then that guys not my leadoff. Long, story, short, a couple of seniors finally asked the coach what he was thinking, and the coach made a change. Seniors can do stuff like that, parents for the most part have to keep their mouth shut.