A question for coaches and parents

no

No I think that sports play an important role, even in the difficult times like when it's pronounced over. Hey life (sickness, disappointments, job uncertainties, career uncertainties, marriage problems, etc, etc) in general is not always fait and definitely not always a bed of roses and sports can certainly portray that vividly at times. I think that kids that play organized sports will always remember certain portions of it and feel a sense of personal satisfaction.

Something that is often mentioned on this subject as a reply by parents to their kids when they wish to withdraw from sports is " don't make a decision that you will regret later". That's a tough one for kids to hear in their decision-making.

 

Braves

A lot of listers in my opinion have hit the nail on the head. If this happened to me I hope I would discuss the pros and cons with him just to make sure he has thought it threw. And after that I would have no choice but to accept his decision.

As both my son's grew up and we discussed careers etc., I've always told them that there are only 3 things important in the that decision.

1. Is it legal and morally correct.
2. Is it something you really love, have a passion for.
and
3. Are you willing and wanting to be one of the best at it. Excel at whatever you choose to do.

This decision in my mind is no different, because without the passion and willingness to work most kids will not excel (Play much, if at all).

 

great

Yankees, Great post on this. Although I certainly did not tell my dd after her "decision", I really would not want her on the team especially in a starting role if her heart was not in it and if she was not willing to give it 110% of her efforts. I have always stessed TEAM first to my kid and other players and if the passion is not there then it will hurt the team sooner or later.

 

It hurts no matter what you do

I can only speak from experience, yours might be different:

In high school, early on my son was timid with baseball and didn't want to go out - I pushed him to try and that turned out well, starting on varsity for 4 years, all-conference, all-state his senior year. But he threatened to quit before his senior year. It wasn't a lack of fun with the game, but he wanted to hang out with friends, get a job to put all that special stuff on a car, be with his girlfriend. In my mind I took this to the worst possible conclusion and assumed he'd end up not wanting to go to college, basically becoming a deadbeat kid like you see in a lot of high schools. So I passionately talked him out of it, although he loved the stressed look on my face so much that he waited till the first day of tryouts to tell me he was gonna go out for the team. And he enjoyed it, MVP, all that stuff. But during those days before he went out, we reached the argument level several times, including him telling me "I only play baseball so you will like me!" Wow, that hurt, since I'd been coaching him and helping out since he was 5. My point is that you need to discern the reasons for your son's new disinterest, and "help" him see what's really going on inside of him. And that's not easy, cause you "don't know anything" as his dad.

He had the opportunity to walk-on in college but chose not to, with my full support (or at least almost full - I wanted him to at least try, but I didn't push him like you might say I did in high school)

Interestingly, he took up football as a sophomore in high school. Again, he was a little timid, but I prodded him to go ahead and do it and he fell in love with that sport, sort of. Again, those teenage (and being a senior) things started to happen to him and he almost quit before his senior year, and I really pushed him to get out there and stop worrying about a job, friends, hanging out. Much tougher sell when he's doing sprints in 100 degree heat in July. But he stuck it out and again, loved his senior year of football. Again he had a chance to walk on in college, chose not to, this time when that old timidity came out again. But he went to games and really missed football, and has now started working out with the football team and intends to try to walk on during the offseason. Apparently this is the game he really loves. But it was entirely his decision, though I think he could tell by my interest that I thought it was a great idea.

He has matured greatly in college, and these decisions have become his to make. I think high school and college are two different animals, but as a parent you still have to do the hard work of discerning the reasons behind what is going on. And it does hurt to see him give it up, but that's OK. Something both you and he have given so much to should hurt when you give it up.

Hope this helps somebody out there. Like I said, I'm not sure of the right answer, I can only speak from personal experience.

 

wow

2upthemiddle, that's a pretty impressive story .........your son goes from almost quiiting baseball to being the MVP.

 

Wow...great posts. I'm hoping that all of these replies may help others down the road.

I really appreciate the honesty in your posts. It is very helpful to others.

 

I'm finding the same thing. I have an 8 yo that is participating in organized sports for the 1st time this year. I'm enjoying being the spectator, but I'm shocked by the behavior of some of the parents and coaches. The undue pressures and stress they put on some of these kids are unbelieveable. I swear I don't remember it being so widespread as it was years past...of course, it could have been and I just didn't notice it being so prevalent.

 

I think this is one of the best threads I have read on here in awhile. I can say on a professional level this is two seasons in a row that we have gone through this with a player. Both were high scholarship players who we expected to be huge parts of our team on and off the field. As a coach it is devastating and almost impossible to get over for the teams sake. when a non scholarship player decides to follow his emotions and become a regular student it's easier to swallow and as a coach you understand why. How ironic and double standard huh?

On a personal level I think it is very hard for coaches to understand why a kid loses his love for the game, because coaches love the game so much they have tunnel vision and can't empathize with people who aren't like minded.

I played four years of college baseball, two years of minor league baseball, and now have coached four years at the college level. I say this because I think my opinion is grounded and worth merit. I think the first reason players decide to quit is there is no longer instant gratification at the next level.

The effort a player has to put forth to be in the coaches good graces and to earn playing time is at an all time high. A great high school player can just show up to practice and never "work his fingers to the bone" and still keep a starting job. This isn't the case in college. There is a daily effort and intensity that coaches expect form their players that hasn't been the case until college. It's a shock to young players who have never had to find the "fifth gear." Some can't handle it. There is a saying amongst coaches, "it's amazing what competition will do to people."

I'm getting a little off the point here but after reading and hearing how hard the life of a college athlete is I want to make this point. Your sons who are being overwhelmed by their new schedules are still not working as hard as you do everyday at your job. I know, I went through it and deal with it everyday.

Let me give you typical day in the life of an average college baseball player....

wake up between 8-10AM depending on when their first class is, (some programs lift and condition at 6am but most do this in the afternoon)

Go to two hours of class and then grab lunch

meet their position coach for an hour to hit or work on pitching (this is called 4 mans and you can only do it two days a week)

meet at 2:30 to lift and condition this is usually an hour or two

between five and seven have dinner

seven to nine study hall a couple of nights a week

You may have a son in a program who is doing a different schedule but the hours generally add up to the same per week. I just don't agree with the idea that they are overwhelmed with school and baseball. I have been at three different schools at three different levels (JC, D1, and D2) this is the same at all of them.

I said all that now I will answer the thread....

If playing a game or working to improve your ability at it becomes work then it is tiem to give it up. Simple as that. You can't dread practice and everything that goes along with it and still be an asset to the team or be true to yourself.

 

I must admit, on a personal level, it was hard for me to understand the "lost passion" that some players go through because I never went through it. I loved practices. I loved the cameraderie of my teamates. I can't say I enjoyed the conditioning, but to be honest, it's different than it was in the early 70's. I just loved everyday of it....but...as I've gotten more experienced (I didn't say older, Prepster) I understand how some of these kids get burned out. I never had to play baseball year long. Up to the time I went to college, I played the sport that was in season. I didn't have my parents following me around each weekend to go to some kind of tournament. My parents never put pressure on me, probably because I had 6 other siblings and I didn't grab any additional attention.

The concern I have about this topic is this: Did the player reach this decision because he found out he is not the stud that he was in HS? That he was facing a tough time and decided that quitting was easier? Or did he truly want to hang up the spikes because he lost "passion" or "burned out".

This is a tough dilemma for the parent or coach because you want to support their decisions, but are you allowing them to become quitters when they had to face their first real challenge in life?

I don't know the answer, but I know this has been a good thread

 

There are many reasons

There are many reasons kids give it up. Each young man is different and each situation is different. And each set of parents are different. For me I only ask this of my children. You decide what games you want to play. Once you decide you are going to play you finish the season regardless of the situation. You dont quit on your team or your coaches and yourself. I also believe that the kid has the be the driving force behind the endeavor. Wether its to play or to practice or to work out to get better. Having said that there are many different reasons that kids play baseball. Just like there are many reasons they decide to quit playing baseball. I have always said you can tell who really loves the game by the ones who enjoy practice. Enjoy just being at the field. Baseball is a sport of relentless repititions with very little instant gratification. The higher levels you play and depending on the HS program you play in its a sport of a whole lot of work and very little play. For instance a kid will take hundreds of grounds balls and do hours of infield drills then play a game and get 1 or no ground balls the entire game. Or spend hours in the cage , hours working on a T and then get three or four at bats in a game. If you dont truly enjoy the quest to get better if you truly do not love the game it is only a matter of time before you will hang them up. Once the level of commitment and the level of work required to be on the team exceeds the players desire to play it is only a matter of time before they are done. In HS many kids quit because they are no longer the stud. They quit because they do not want to work at the level that is required. They quit because the level of commitment is more than they are willing to put in. They quit because they do not enjoy the fact that 90% of the time put in is working to get better and 10% of the time put in is actually playing the game. They decide that working and having some money in their pocket to go out with friends is more fun than working at the game and playing the game. Players that play in HS programs that do not prepare players for college baseball are not going to be in any college program for long. Talent has nothing to do with it. Every kid in a college program has talent. The ones that stick and eventually contribute to that program are the ones that truly love the game, which means they love to work at the game, and the ones that are mentally tough. Many parents focus on everything but mental toughness. They have never thought about how there kid is going to handle working his butt off all week and riding the pine each game. Or how is he is going to handle just being another player on the team and not the star. If you have to make him work out. If you have to make him or prod him to run throw or go hit. Dont send him off to play college ball. I dont care how talented he is it will not matter. A players love of the game has nothing to do with how much he loves playing games. It has everything to do with how much he loves to work at the game so he can play. And that does not mean taking bp on the field or taking ground balls or throwing bull pens. It means running miles. Hitting off a t for an hour. Spending time in the weight room etc etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a young man that decides that it is not for him. You can be an outstanding young man and not want to play baseball. And it does not mean in anyway that you have failed as a parent if your son decides to give it up. Some kids have a burning desire to play baseball and understand that hard work and commitment is a big part of the equation. And they enjoy the quest. Some love to play but not if they have to put that kind of effort into it. Its just the way it is.