Open Letter to Indy85

Fathers sharing the games with sons (it don't get better than that)

Amen.....seems like you are a GOLD Glove winner.

 

Frustrations

I have been blessed to have coached my own son and have been blessed to coach others' sons. Trust me - I feel as though I live and die on each play - whether it's my son or someone else's. As coaches, we have an emotional investment in all of our players. I have watched my son sit on the bench and had to endure other well-meaning dads comment on why my son should be playing more. I have also watched my son play his heart out and listened to other well-meaning dads comment on why their son should be playing more.

As dads, it is our job to prepare our kids for the game of life. I am proud of my son always. My advice to him is to control the things he can control - his effort and attitude. My formula for success is simple: Positive Attitude + Maximum Effort = Success! I tell him - as I do all ball players - give all you have to give to your team & teammates then accept the results. If those results mean that you are the best bat boy - then be the best bat boy you can be. If those results mean that you will be the cheerleader - then be the best cheerleader you can be. All I expect is for each player to determine how he can add value to his team. Trust me - we coaches hurt for our players - but we can only play 9 at a time.

 

The greatest

There once was this wealthy, good looking guy, who was down on his dumps.

He had an MBA from Harvard, a beautiful wife, exotic European cars, big house, great wall st job. etc...yet he didn't feel like this was enough. He didn't feel like a success.

Why wasn't he happy? What was it that he had not accomplished. He did everything by his socio/economic book. Went to the right school, got the right degree, bought the right cars, married an appropriate girl. All proper.

While walking along the street he heard sirens. Turning around he could see an approaching convoy of cars being led by a dozen or so Police cars. As they approached where he was standing he starred in awe. The dozen or so Police cars began to pass and then two stopped near him to block traffic from the side streets.

The procession moved quickly. Car after car after car passed. It was some site. The cars kept coming. One after the other. An unprecedented display. He had never seen anything like this. It must be some very important person as this the biggest convoy of cars he had ever seen.

"Must be a Mayor or Foreign head of state. Maybe the President was in town," he thought.

However, he stood there and watched hoping to get a glimpse. But something wasn't right. He had counted some 100 cars in the precession. Certainly this was someone important but good gosh. How can this be. After he counted the 200th car his curiosity could no longer take it.

He walked over to one of the Police Officers who was blocking the side streets.

"Officer. Im sorry to bother you, as I see that you are busy, but this is an amazing spectacle here. Ive never seen anything like this." This surely has something to do with a very important, very special, very successful person. With all of these people following. Could you maybe tell me whats going on?"

The Officer looked up from his patrol car, with tears in his own eyes, he explained. "This is a funeral procession. All of these people are going to the funeral of Todd Smith."

"Who was Todd Smith, Sir."

"You didn't know about Todd Smith," said the bewildered Policeman.

The Policemen explained, "Todd Smith was the GREATEST DITCH DIGGER IN THE WORLD. He never got through the 8th grade. He didn't have any skills like carpentry or mechanics, etc. NO Todd Smith learned to be a ditch digger and was the BEST in the WORLD at it. The ditches Todd Smith dug where the most precise, most perfect, strongest, beautiful ditches ever made. He made the best with what he had and became the best at what he did.

 

I had to make one last “last” post for my buddy tpx who seems to have taken a huge dislike for me. I find it so irresistible. I also couldn’t bear the thought of leaving this board perceived as just some disgruntled parent that thinks their kid hasn’t been given a fair shake. Until the last couple of days, I haven’t posted much because there wasn’t a subject that I felt real strongly about until the thread on sophomores playing on varsity. Initially, I didn’t have an interest in that one until a coach started talking about “TEAM”. I understand that coaches make decisions that are best for the team but someone has to look out for the player. High school is 4 short years and one wrong move can affect his opportunity to play at the next level or a chance for financial help. My son played varsity as a sophomore and held his own. One of the highlights of his year was putting two balls in play against Madison Bumgarner and striking him out. If you are going to tell me that that experience was more beneficial for my son than maybe getting several hits against South Caldwell JV pitching and possibly pitching a complete game against South Caldwell JV’s, then I am saying, “I don’t think so”. My son has gone from a starter as a So. to a role player as a Jr. I have no doubts that our coach, who is one of the best in the state, has made every decision based on what is best for the team. I’m sure he would love for his decisions to also be what is best for the player but it just doesn’t always work out that way. My son is struggling with what is happening this year. Maybe he will hit the game winning homerun in the conference championship and then all will be right with the world again. Maybe he won’t. He’s 16 and the best years of his life are yet to come. For example, one day he will be in my shoes following his son’s high school career. I envy him. Starting now!!!

 

underclassmen on vars.

I try to leave players on the jv team until they are ready for varsity competition. This is not always possible. I will bring up a freshmen or soph. if I have a hole in my lineup that an upperclassmen cannot fill. If at some point during the season some players are struggling and I think a jv player can help us I will consider bringing them up to give us a boost.You have to be carefull because this could cause team chemistry problems. You have to also look and ask is this player going to make a differenc in our season. If he is not going to make a huge difference it's not worth it. I try to treat every player like it's my own son but the TEAM will always come first. As far as this decision effecting a players chances to be a division 1 college baseball player - a division 1 player will rise to the top no matter what route he has taken to his senior year. I have seen D-1 players start on vars. their freshman year and some not start till their senior year. The opportunity to play at the next level will happen if the player is good enough.Sometimes players go from starting on vars to role players, sometimes they go back to jv, sometimes they go to the bench. You have to keep producing in the games. Sometimes I will bench a player that is struggling get him some extra work in practice and then go back to him. As far as who is looking out for the player- The player looks out for the player by working hard and doing his job.Let your sons become men and earn their own way. Let them fight their own battles. We should all be thankfull our sons are healthy enough to play this game. I have a player right now that has cancer. He is the toughest player I have ever coached- He is my hero! I wish I had half the courage he has in his pinky finger. I,ve had players that have died before their senior year. Let's keep it in perspective, cheer for our sons, cheer for our teams, and support our coaches.

 

As much as i feel fo Indy85 and his son, I can't help but sense an underlying tone is his posts that fits so many experiences I have had with disgruntled parents. Basically, I am hard pressed to believe that a player has gone from significant contributor as a soph to afterthought as a junior through no fault of their own. Experience on varsity should have kept JR in the lineup assuming he was a year stronger and a year better. Could it be that some other kids outworked JR, and if so, isn't that the way its supposed to be? So often a these situations devolve into a "coach just doesn't like me" situation when the truth is something much harder to accept. Obviously this situation could be different, but I wonder.

 

Anybody with a reasonable mind would never question your concern and care for your players and your team. You're integrity stands alone. That was never the intent of this thread.

I selected Indy as one of many that have gone through this. I wanted to acknowledge the pain he is/was going through and why he is going through it. But more importantly, I wanted to point out how it is destructive and offer solutions how to make it a positive experience.

Coach, every school has someone in this situation. It bothers me to see a parent take the approach Indy has. It can cause many problems: at home, at school and on the team. It can cause chemistry problems on the team and it can create friendships to be lost....and it doesn't have to be this way.

By no means is this thread a debate about a coach's decision what's best for his team or to question their care for their players.

With as many parents faced with this same situation, if just one reads this and concludes they need to change their attitude and realize it is not healthy, and how it can become a positive experience; then it was worth it.

 

See, that is the point to this whole thread. It was never about a coach's decision. And in the case of Indy's school, there should never be a question about the integrity in the decision making of this coach. There is nobody I hold in higher esteem.

But one would have to be a robot (or Stretchy) not to recognize the pain he and others in a similar situation go through. It has always bothered me when I see it, because most of the time, they don't want to discuss it with you. And these are good people with good son's.

Since many of those parents don't want to listen to sound advice, I can post it in here and if they read it and it helps...good for them.

 

pain

Braves- I knew you were not questioning the coach. You have to much class for that and I appreciate your efforts to guide parents, players, and coaches. The parents that I have sympathy for are the ones that sopport the program whether their son is playing or not. I had a parent who did the P.A., cleaned bathrooms, etc. and his son's senior year he played RF once a week and got DH'd for. His dad never said a word. I felt bad about it but I felt I was doing the right thing by the team. I have players this year that are not playing and their parents speak to my wife, they say nice game to me, they cheer for the team even though I know they are hurting for their kids. Or- maybe they are not hurting because their son is working hard, having fun and showing a great attitude. They are probably proud. At my school 99% of my parents are that way. They stand back, support the team, and let me coach. I am very fortunate. As coaches we spend alot of time and put alot of care into our line-up decisions. It's a huge responsibility. The players understand this and that is why we very rarely get complaints from them. My wife has the best attitude about this than anyone I know and she is more concerned about what my son's and daughter do off the field than on the field.

 

No question about that. Plus, I understand she has no problem in increasing the size of the doghouse out back. I've learned to stay on her good side