Thanksgiving 2010

The Turkey Shrinks As the Absences Grow
By: Mitch Albom
DETROIT FREE PRESS | November 14,2010

The regrets trickle in. Can't make it this year. Too much going on. Airfare too high. Work is crazy.

Once, missing Thanksgiving was unthinkable. But "once" was a long time ago.
Now there are reasons. Good reasons. At least on paper. This one has a high school reunion. This one just changed jobs. This one is moving houses. This one can't find a dog sitter.

They are all being honest. Their lives are busy. Then here comes Thanksgiving and they're asked to screech and halt?

And Thanksgiving in our family is a commitment, I admit. We've been hosting it for years, for upwards of 50 relatives and lifelong friends. It goes like this: the arrival meal (Wednesday), the holiday meal (Thursday), the leftover meal (Friday), the restaurant meal (Saturday) and the farewell meal (Sunday morning). In between comes talking, slouching, sleeping, eating, talking, eating, shopping, eating.

At least it used to be that way.

In recent years, the holiday has been shaved, like one of those giant wedding cakes that slowly gets sliced away. "It's cheaper to fly on Thursday," they say, so they come Thanksgiving morning. "It's cheaper to go home Saturday," they say, so they leave a day earlier. Someone needs to work on Friday -- "They're making everyone come in," they say -- and so another chair goes empty.

They are all being honest.

The turkey sighs.

The pain of being polite

Once, Thanksgiving couldn't come fast enough. We all lived close. We couldn't wait for a break from the routine. Businesses shut at noon Wednesday. Nobody worked Friday through Sunday (unless it was in a mall). Missing a few days didn't set anyone back. We were thrilled to see each other, to eat like gluttons, to make the joyous noise of a crowded table and a growing family.

Moving houses? Who moved houses? High school reunions? Who did that on Thanksgiving weekend? Work? What employer would insist you work? On Thanksgiving?

Besides, this was family. And family meant obligation. Obligation to eat, even if you weren't crazy about the stuffed mushrooms or the sweet potato casserole. Obligation to listen, even if you had heard the World War II stories a thousand times. Obligation to do dishes. To carry out trash. To lift your grandparents' ridiculously heavy luggage.

Today, we shy away from obligation. No one wants to "pressure" anyone else. Everyone wants to say, "That's OK, you do what you have to do." We act this way to be "understanding." I wonder if it's not so that we can expect it will be done for us. Accept excuses, and we can later make our own. It keeps our options open. It lets us wiggle out.

Everyone is being honest.

But why do we want to wiggle out of each other?

Being part of an online family

Maybe it's part of the New Busy, where we can entertain ourselves fully without leaving the house. In the old days, if you weren't at Thanksgiving, the silence would haunt you. You'd wonder what the family was saying, what they were eating.

Today, you can be online, on Facebook, checking e-mail, downloading movies. Or at work, at the mall, at the bar, at the reunion. Family? Who has time to miss family?

Except you are missing family. You are missing a huge part of life, maybe the best part, when the whole ensemble is together, when one funny story tumbles into another, when your history is being told and made.

Christmas is too much about presents. Fourth of July is vacation. Thanksgiving weekend, with its Thursday start and Sunday finish, is a perfect chunk out of the American schedule. Long enough for siblings, uncles, aunts and cousins to reconnect, to hug extra long, to be reminded why family are not the office gang, not the reading group, not the guys at the gym or the women at the salon -- but family.

And you feed a family with turkey and memories, with laughs, with stories, with being side by side.

The older relatives, who always knew this, have sadly passed away. Each Thanksgiving the table gets smaller, fewer chairs are set, fewer pies are eaten.
The regrets trickle in. So sorry. Got tickets to something. Just gonna relax at home this year.

They are all being honest.

That's what hurts the most.

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I have been thinking a lot about reunions this week. That is why I was moved by Mitch’s column and thought would it was worthy for TBR followers today.

If you are a “baseball family” you know the grind. The seemingly endless road trips to the next competition. Are we home or away on Friday? Is it Wilson this week or are we in East Cobb? When is Jupiter? Are you going to the showcase camp at Northeast Westchester, (Champions of the Southern Conference)? I hear there will be many scouts attending.

Teammates and their parents become part of an extended family, the shared experience binding them together. Sometimes the fit is flawed and feelings are strained. Is that unlike a family?

November comes and the family gives thanks. Thanks for a break from the ball field, if only for a month or two before you are anxiously awaiting the first pre-season scrimmage games of the new season, and the cycle begins anew.

Sometimes we are so consumed in a game that we love, that perspective of what is really important becomes skewed. Miss a sibling’s high school play . . . they’ll understand, it is a big game. Miss a graduation ceremony . . . it’s the playoffs, they’ll understand. Miss a wedding . . . it’s the most important showcase of the season, they’ll understand. Miss church . . .

Mitch is right: “ Thanksgiving . . . reminds us why the family is not the office gang, not the reading group, not the guys at the gym or the women at the salon (or the travel team) – but the family.” Too often I forget that.

So on Thanksgiving 2010 I am thankful for:

Lori, my wife. Her ministry of “Joy” is an inspiration to so many and I am so proud of her.

Brent and Devan – Sons home from college. It is nice just having them in the house together again.

Mom and Dad – the two most inspirational people I know.

Lori’s Grandfather Earl, who is 107 years young and still lives by himself at his farm in Cass City Michigan. Do you know what it is like to have a conversation with a person that actually played baseball against Babe Ruth?!

The reunion of cousins we had this past week. For the first time ever, all 12 were together. With Aunts and Uncles, and with cousin’s spouses and many with their children, including Cousin Janet with 10 of her own and her daughter’s four month old son Adrian who is the first of the next generation. Five generations all totaled for those four months until November 14, 2010.

Grandma – the Grand matriarch of this family whose elegance, grace, and compassion inspired us all, thus the reunion. Yes Mitch, there will be one less chair at the table tomorrow, but in awe, thinking of the reunion she had this week; from her mom and dad and the generations pass, to the Saints and Christ. Now that is a reunion!

Hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving.

 

Thanks Mini, that was inspiring!

I'm thankful for my 3 sons TJ, Princeton and Montana. They are what keeps me waking up each morning with the thought it will be a great day today. I'm thankful for having my wife for the last 30 years. She was told that she would not survive past 5 years with her disease---she is on her 10th.

This has been the most trying year in my life and there was no way I could have survived without some great friends. They were always there when I needed them. I am especially grateful for having Don Hutchins as my friend. He doesn't realize what impact he has played in my life.

Cheeze, Stretchy, Freddy Suggs and 2-6-4DP have played a major role in my life this past year. I want to thank them for their friendship and hope I have reciprocated.

I have met some of the greatest people I could ever meet through this board...and I am thankful to be able to call many my friend.

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and I hope you get to share this week with your families.

 

I want to wish

everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I don't post here as much as I used to. But I still check the site almost daily to keep up with things. I think its important to be thankfull for what we have and to spend our time focusing on what we do have instead of what we wish we had. Everything we really want and need we usually already have. We are just too busy trying to get something we don't have to realize it.

To all the players out there don't worry about other people. Don't worry about what they say. Don't worry about rankings , accolades , hype or anything else you can not control. Spend your time busting your butt to be the best player you can be. Play the game for one reason and one reason only. Play because you love the game. Play it with a passion. Play to win everytime you step on the field. And everything you deserve will be yours.

And today take a break from everything to take the time to thank God for what he has given you and his grace. And have a great Thanksgiving.

 

Coach 27,

Awesome post! Thanks for reminding us we all have much to be thankful for and to keep our priorities in order.