Captain Morgan

Still kicking.

I don't ever go to picassos.

Where are you gonna take a picture of my wife? You could try bonny lane in Charlotte. That's where Putt says I live.

Why would I put my real date of birth on a message board? You want my SS# too?

My birthday is not for another 5 months. How much notice do you fuckin need?

LOL

I tailgated and celebrated too much for the Steelers game. I must have had about 20 beers too many.

Honestly, you'd be overpaying. I'm a hot mess today.

Must've been the Christ Church Panthers.

Ever wonder why the only place you can get a home cooked, fresh baked apple pie these days is at Marie Calendar’s or at your grandmother’s house? It’s because during a movement called “Women’s Liberation”, women traded cooking and cleaning for blowjobs.

Does anyone also remember when men worldwide exchanged being the sole breadwinner of the house for listening to their woman’s endless screed of woman problems? No, no one does. That’s because it never happened. Men don’t operate like that. All of us work on one principle: always going up and always going faster — and better whenever possible, which to a man is all the time. That means we don’t get to trade shit we don’t want to do for things like are easier, like how today’s modern, “liberated” women traded cooking and cleaning for blowjobs.