Parents

Has anyone ever seen those parents at the ball field that are perfect? Always cheering for the entire team and get their child everything he needs to play the game at the highest level? But what no one knows is how, at home, they may still be like that or completely opposite criticizing everything you have done. My mom keeps score for the team and dad is always there supporting us in team colors and team hat and just being Mr. Baseball!!! Today I dislocated my finger on a dive for a ball up the middle and I chose to stay in the game but it wasnt because I wasnt hurt. It was because my dad had taken off work one night last week to come watch me play but it rained and he was off with nothin to do and was pretty ticked off. So because of that I stayed in to show him i was tuff and nothing could stop me. With my index finger swollen and bruised in the 8th, a ground ball was hit to me and I booted it. My only error so far all summer and i never make excuses but all i did was give with the ball trying to pamper my finger and just booted it. But to my dad it is, "embarrassing to be playing at this level and make errors like that. Nice error god you embarrass me." That is just the least of what i hear but if someone hears about something like this they are like yeah right your mom and dad are awesome. So the next time you see a player like me a little off in the head one day ... it isnt because he isnt a player ... its because he isnt just playing for himself.

 

My son has been playing baseball since he was 5. He's played on local teams, and travel teams. We've been to Florida, Cooperstown, Delaware, and too many ballparks in North and South Carolina to even count. I've gotten to know numerous players, and parents, over the years. I have seen first hand how a parent's words can crush a child's spirit. As a parent, my heart goes out to you.

 

All dads and some moms should read Pat Conroy's "My Losing Season".

If this is a real post, you should read it also kid. There's always hope, it just may take a lifetime to work through.

 

Tough Break, I have been there

I had a player, in fact a catcher that his dad one night cussed himn out from behind the backstop when he had a passed ball, he and his son got into s shouting match, and I have coached in a game where the opposing coach (a high school coach in NC) cussed out his step-son who had committed an error, then when the dad of one of the step-son's intervened to tell him to lay off, they almost fought in the dugout.

Both of these were embarassing situations, for my catcher, I eventually had to make his dad sit away from the field, or else not come to games anymore. Thius same parent the night before a atate playoff game 5 years ago, made his son hit in their cage at home till 12:00 midnight and he had blisters on his hand, so I had to DH for him, he literally flenched when he swung a bat. This same dad, when his son had the oipportunity to play college baseball in 2 different instances at 2 different community colleges, quit paying for his school and forced him to quit when he was not the immediate starter as a freshman. It is tough on kids and we as coaches dont always know what baggage they bring from home, so we play daddy at times also. That's one reason I have learned over the years, and it isi still a work in progress to nurture as much as possible while kicking them in the fanny when needed. They need all the positive support they can get today. Youhave to learn to know your players.

Keep plugging at it, and as long as you are doing your ABSOLUTE BEST, that's all anybody can ask for or expect...

 

As a Parent, I apologize for your Dad. He is wrong. 3 words of advice:

1--Cut your Dad a little slack. He is way, way off base, but he takes pride in your success. You will experience that someday as a Dad too.

2--Play the game for God & yourself. In the final analysis, that is all that really matters.

3--Enjoy the moment...Someday you will be too old to even remember when you played!!

 

UK... GOOD JOB!!

Those are some great thoughts UK !!!

The one thing that has helped me mature not just as a coach, but as a person is my relationship with God. Although things still bother me greatly as a coach when delaing with dissatisfied parents I can rely on the fact that as I try as much as possible to be Christlike in my own treatment of players, I am still human and do falter, cause I believe God wants me to do all I can to do the best i can, which means making tough decisions with regards to kids that parents dont always understand because they want their own kids to be stars, get scholarships, etc...

What I can tell you is that if you and your dad have good relationships with God and our Savior Jesus Christ, then this will work out eventually as you grow in your relationship with him (Dad and Christ).

 

Thanks to everyone.

I'd just like to say thanks to those who responded to my situation and would like to add a little more info. I made all-conference in the PTC and was runner-up player of the year to Synan who is going to NC State. Im a rising senior and after reading the responses I have a few more things to say. You guys are right, God will get you through everything. I pray before the game, before the start of each inning in the field, and before each at bat. I mean, obviously I wouldnt be here if not for God. It's just that everything I do is wrong at my house and even though I know most of it isn't I still get my head down sometimes. The things you guys wrote sure helped but here is my situation to a "tee". My mom said this last night: " If you keep tucking your pants in your shoes I swear I'll come out there and jerk you off that field. You look stupid." Well players have different ways of wearing their pants ya know. But if I wear mine the way I like them, I'm not playing the game I love anymore. I made the comment to my parents that I cant wait to play college baseball and here was my mom's response. "If you keep actin like you are, I'll be sure you never step foot on a field again." Keep acting like you are you ask? Yea, they say I dont concentrate on baseball but all I do everyday is wake-up, go for a run, lift weights, and have a legion game at night. But I'll deff. try to get a copy of that book and just keep plugging at it. Thanks!
JH - #14

 

Dads

Your dad loves you son. He might not know how to show it or how to act but he loves you. Have you sat down with him and told him how you really feel? I know that this would be very hard to do. But it might just open up his eyes and your relationship with him could really be better for it. Some dads want it for their kids so bad that they get in the way. They think that they are helping them but in reality they are hindering them and taking the love of the game away from them. Sit down with him and open up your heart to him. Tell him how he is making you feel. Give him a chance to see what he is doing and give him a chance to make it right. You might just be surprised at how he takes it. Good Luck to you. Coach Evans that was an awesome post. You are so right. I have a son who plays for me. I have learned to leave him alone and just let him play. I let the other coaches take care of the discipline or critique of his play. No matter what I say I will never just be a coach to him. I will still be dad first. Sometimes we have to let go and let them grow up to be the man they are going to be. Sometimes we have to have other people that we trust take care of some business for us. JMO

 

Crazy

Best of luck and don't ever hesitate to talk to people about your feelings. Your parents could not be more wrong about this and they are darn lucky that their attitude did not run you out of baseball years ago. As in the previous post, just play for yourself and your teammates and you will go further and have more fun. You owe your parents nothing but to obey their rules at home.

 

I have to say at one time I was a little like your father. You just see potential in an area for your child and you want them to follow that path with everything that they have. In that drive some parents forget the important things in life. Then life takes some tough turns and reminds you on what is important.

My son was one of those hot shot 11, 12 and 13 year olds that won all of the awards. Won Babe Ruth state championships at 11, 13, 14 and 15 years old. He was the winning pitcher of the state championship game as a 11 and 13 year old. He also had a no-hitter for 5 2/3 innings and finished with a 1 hitter in the Babe Ruth Southeast Regional as a 15 year old.

This really never translated into much on the high school level. He was a two sports guy (all conference soccer) but never progressed with his baseball. Then this year after really working hard in the off season he was starting to have some success. He had a couple good outings and then beat Kann. Brown, while striking out 9 in 5 innings.

But as fate would have it, he blew out his elbow in a game against Charlotte Christian. We were all devastated. But my son did something that I am more proud of than anything else that he has accomplished. He went to the coach and told him he would do anything he could to help the team. He pinch hit or run if needed. He was the first person out of the dugout when someone made a good play. Instead of sulking, he really became a great teammate and leader. He ran practice when the coaches were working on something else (hit his only homeruns of the year with the fungo bat).

He grew up as a man and I grew up as a parent.

At the Piedmont baseball awards banquet, the coaches recognized my son with the Coaches Award and I have never been prouder. I have never been prouder to have Scott Estes as my son.

So CrazyhorseKhalil23, I tell this (LONG) story in hopes you can understand even us so called adults can change. Be patient with us sometimes we are learning as we go too.