Show Us Your Team

2010 Conference Champions

NORTHERN DURHAM HIGH SCHOOL - 2010 PAC 6 CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS!!!​

NHS 2010 All-Conference:​

Ashleigh Cawthorne SR
Karsyn Ellis SR
Kailey Farmer JR
Karen Marvin SR
Jordan Terry SR
Tara Wagner SO​

Boo Rigsbee - PAC 6 Coach of the Year
Kailey Farmer - PAC 6 Player of the Year​

 

I can't I've Been Arrested !!

Coach Arrested, Mystery of Bearded Girls Uncovered Written by Ramon Hernando Tuesday, 20 May 2008 Head coach of the Dempsey Middle school softball team, Bob Titman, was arrested yesterday on charges of child abuse and child endangerment for regularly spiking his seventh-grade team’s Gatorade with a cocktail of steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs.

The arrest followed a month-long investigation aiming to uncover the reason why more than half of the team’s 12- and 13-year-old girls began to develop abnormally prolific facial and body hair.

Delaware physician Damerman Weister said increased growth of facial and body hair is a common side-effect of steroids, a testosterone containing drug, and one that might not subside for many years.

“Titman pumped these girls so full of steroids that they are going to have to shave daily for years—unless, of course, they don’t mind looking like estranged animals,” Weister said. “I can’t even imagine what high school will be like for them … they might as well cut their losses and join the circus—there can never be to many bearded ladies.”

Detective Jonathon Lesheman said this case has been the strangest and most disturbing he has come across in years.

“I’ll tell you: I was sure disgusted with this Titman for his perverse treatment of those little girls,” Lesheman said. “But what bugged me the most were the beards those girls grew. They were thicker than bear rugs. It almost shamed me to look at them, seeing how I can barely grow a goatee, let alone a full-on beard.”

Titman, following his arrest, said he had no intentions of harming the girls.

“I just wanted it so badly—to win, that is,” Titman said. “Last year coming in second in the league finals—why, I was devastated …all because my team is too puny to hit anything beyond the sand.

“The athletic director wouldn’t let me force weight training on them, and a whole crowd of physical therapists and parents said they would sue me if I tried, saying some nonsense like ‘it would be not only unorthodox for a little league softball team to lift weights, but extremely dangerous.’ So the only other way to bulk them up was to slip them some steroids…and a few other potent concoctions.”

Susan Henderson said her daughter, Harrieta, has become a social outcast, all because of her now uncontrollable facial hair.

“My daughter used to be the prettiest, most popular girl in school,” Henderson said. “Now she is treated like a little monster. Her peers tease her constantly, calling her names like ‘Hairy Harrieta’ and ‘Bearded Slut.’ It seems like our only choices now are to give her a sex change or send her to the circus—as the doctor advised.

“…As of now I’m opting for the latter, as I’ve heard bearded ladies tend to make a killing, especially from certain fetish circles—you know, those perverse men and women with a strange and powerful lust for transvestites.”

The softball team’s upcoming season has been cancelled while the school district investigates the incident. Although coach Titman provided the steroids, members of the softball team are still bound by the state’s substance abuse policy.

“It’s a delicate matter at this point,” said district spokeswoman Linda Furley, “I feel bad for all the little girls involved.”

Titman is scheduled to re-appear in court early next week. He has been suspended indefinitely by the school district. Last Updated ( Wednesday, 21 May 2008 )

 

The reader is cautioned to please accept this story at farce value.